Coffee Shop

The Dutch, with their legalised use of cannabis, have over the years managed to change the very thought of coffee shop into a risqué experience on the other side of town! Apart from being a smoker intolerant, I in all honesty get irritated at the smell of grass! It smacks of slap gat and escape from reality, and if the job ever gets done, will it be done properly?

Coffee Shop in Amsterdam
Coffee Shop in Amsterdam

That comment will irritate the artistes out there, I know! In escaping from reality often the best stories are conceived! Remember Jim Carrey’s famous line in The Mask?….. “Smokin”! His best movie though was Dumb and Dumber, where Jim met Mary Swanson, later to become Ms Carrey! Apart from the many hilarious scenes in that movie, the soundtrack remains one of the best ever! Click on the link below and listen to some cool songs!

Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey
Lauren Holly aka Mary Swanson
Lauren Holly aka Mary Swanson

Starbucks and Seattle Café etc have brought the thought of coffee shop back, closer to Earth. George Clooney and Nespresso have brought the coffee shop into the home, with clever advertising and clever equipment. Nice shoes George!

Nice shoes George
Nice shoes George

My most recent coffee shop experience was when managing to escape the clutches of my hard working staff, I sneaked away for a quick breakiefas! I met a friend who has a far better understanding of how to manage one’s day, and enjoy little breaks amidst the pressures of getting the job done properly!

The manageress of the fairly newly opened enterprise got us off to a bad start when my good morning to her was ignored as she oversaw the three other clients of the coffee shop!

I had rocked up late, as usual, and ordered café au lait, which arrived looking a little like Turkish coffee! I motioned to the service ambassador that I needed more milk, at which moment he started faffing around one of the three, seating her at a table with a power outlet within reach!

My patience wore thin as the seconds since my request for more milk grew into minutes, with the service ambassador’s job description becoming waiter or worse!

With overly strong coffee and workshop concerns flashing through my head, a familiar face entered the coffee shop. The last few years hadn’t been too kind to that familiar face but he recognized me immediately, obviously as one of his many benefactors. He approached our table with an outstretched hand saying: “Dan Varoy, long time no see”!

The balance of monies owed on a motor car sold to this person, plus subsequent maintenance invoices all totalling some R30,000.00, while he waited for a certain court case to be resolved in his favour, now flashed with serious red flags! The ignored final demands and verbal requests, with painful recollection, recalled!

Unable to mention a name here I simply said: “Hello bad debtor, you owe me a disgusting amount of money, I don’t think I should touch that hand”! He, possibly, suitably embarrassed, shuffled off to find a table to suit his girth. My friend sat there busy with his cell phone, as usual, with somewhat larger looking eyes!

With the time in minutes since the request for milk now approaching double digits, I approached the serving counter and spoke with reverent sincerity of how the coffee was delicious enough, but that I needed more milk. The, now become in my eyes, wastress behind the counter took a carton of low fat skim milk and was about to pour that into my milk container. I told her to stop and that, “I take my coffee with full cream milk”. The wastress and my now become waster exchanged glances and the wastress slipped out the back door into the attached supermarket for a carton of full cream milk!

Jersey cow and full cream milk
Jersey cow and full cream milk

My waster told me to sit so long and said he would bring the milk to the table. This I did but as I marched I considered how much of his gob might end up in my milk! The bad debtor was squatting, alone, with seemingly not a care in the world!

I sat down, took a sip of the yet to be creamy coffee, and rued my decision to eat at this particular joint. The full cream milk arrived and I just looked at the full cup of milk and said to my friend, who looked up from his cell phone: “Let’s get the bill, and rather eat at the coffee shop you had suggested in the first place”!

Which we did! (And we enjoyed a bottomless cup of coffee with much full cream milk!)

Mike and the Mechanics and Another Cup of Coffee, live:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo31kr0y64g

St Vincent School for The Deaf: always there to serve the hard of hearing; 

St Vincent School For The Deaf     

Acknowledgements: The credit for the job description, service ambassador goes to a very professional conference venue in the Sunninghill area of Sandton. Due a somewhat negative view of my coffee shop experience, I daren’t chance a mistaken identity, and mention a name!

Erika Nel for her clever spoonerisms of service ambassador gone wrong, wastress and waster!